


The Master and Bill Text

by ModernWizard



Series: The Happy Famverse [10]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Any kind, Bill is like ?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?........, Bill loves exclamation points, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Or maybe roaches, Rats, Reaction gifs, S10 finale rewrite sort of, She also loves question marks, She just likes lots of punctuation in general!!!!!!!!!, She's very enthusiastic!!!!!!!!, Texting, The Master explains that he's with the Doctor now, The Master hates Nazis, The Master loves emojis, The food was really gross in Dystopia, Time Lords are Space Nazis, We get more of an idea of the past between them, ewwwww, lots of them!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23718295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ModernWizard/pseuds/ModernWizard
Summary: The Master and Bill text. All the Master's reaction gifs are of himself. We find out a bit more about what they were doing in Dystopia. The Master makes a confession. Bill demands an explanation. There are absolutely no bugs or rodents on the menu.
Relationships: The Master & Bill Potts, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Series: The Happy Famverse [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694899
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	The Master and Bill Text

**THE MASTER:**

Hello, dearest person!

**BILL:**

🪒?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?

Is that you?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

**THE MASTER:**

Indeed! Hello, 💶!

If you call me 🪒, I’m calling you 💶.

**BILL:**

What is that???? I can’t tell????

**THE MASTER:**

Tis a bill, dearest person. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

**BILL:**

OMG!!!!!

Every text is gonna be a rebus huh!?!?!?!!?!?

A little obsessed with emojis I see????!!!!

**THE MASTER:**

**BILL:**

Um……..

Are all your gifs pictures of you?????

  
  


**THE MASTER:**

But of course! How better to express my emotions via SMS than through crude animations of my own beautiful face? 😎🧐💋

**BILL:**

You would!!!!

Hey…….

Wait!!!!!!!!

How did you get this number???????

I know I know……….

You’re a genius, you probably deduced it from my fingerprints or something!!!!!

**THE MASTER:**

I’m the Spymaster, love. 

Nothing’s impossible for me! 

**BILL:**

Did you hack into my phone to chat?????

Or just to show me your gif collection?????

**THE MASTER:**

Who says the two are mutually exclusive? 😁😉😝

Anyway, I wanted to let you know something before we went any further.

**BILL:**

Yeah??????

What is it?????

**THE MASTER:**

I’ve regenerated, and so has 👩🏼⚕️. She and I are on good terms these days. 😍🤤🤩🤩

**BILL:**

I assume that’s the Doctor????

She…... Hm……..

**THE MASTER:**

Indeed, and she’s definitely a woman now,so feminine pronouns, please. 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾

As you can see, she stole one of your shirts.

**BILL:**

And what exactly does that mean?????

That could mean like you haven’t tried to kill each other in a whole week.

Or it could just mean you’re having halfway decent sex????

**THE MASTER:**

It’s an elective partnership of equals this time, without Vault or guilt. ⚖️👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

**BILL:**

But…....I don’t understand!!!!!!

You were so done with them!!!!! You Missy and you Razor.

???????????

**THE MASTER:**

I know. 😬😬

**BILL:**

We were all so done with them. We had our pact that we’d both get out, you from the Vault, me from under the Doctor’s thumb…….

And you!!!!! You were the one who kept encouraging me. But now you’re back??????

With them???????

**THE MASTER:**

Yeah. 

**BILL:**

Why!!!!!!!!??????????

And why are you suddenly saying pretty much nothing at all????? You’re weirdly quiet………..

**THE MASTER:**

I’m never quiet. I’m just not typing everything that’s going through my mind.

**BILL:**

I get that feeling that you’re watching me like you used to……...Waiting for me because you know I’ll get it…….

**THE MASTER:**

You’re an astute and patient person. You always have been able to read me in a way that most other humans can’t. So...I know that you’ll do the same this time as well.

**BILL:**

You changed since I last saw you. You changed a lot!!!!! I’ve met you in three regenerations now, and the personality can be different. Wildly different!!!!!! But some things always stay the same. 

Like no matter what, you’re attached to the Doctor. You want to be with them………

**THE MASTER:**

Yes. Well done. I DO want to be with them...as an equal, though, a worthy opponent, a friend, a best enemy. Not their plaything, their project, their prisoner, their pity object! Never that!

**BILL:**

Yeah no I know. You hated that!!!!!!! So she regenerated too and she must have changed…..??? Less of an unhappy actor who always needed an audience to applaud.

More bouncy and happy maybe????? 

**THE MASTER:**

Yes, very bouncy, probably hyperkinetic! And yeah, now that you mention it, she seems happier, less weary and bitter, more hopeful. 🤗🤗

**BILL:**

So not the kind of person who would trick me into thinking that she defected to the side of the Monks and then laugh at me for believing it??????

**THE MASTER:**

That was some Master-level bullshit that they pulled on you right there, you know. I’M the one who’s supposed to be that sadistic and condescending, not them! It really annoys me when they take over my shtick…

**BILL:**

Maybe……...Gasp……..She’s the sort of person who WOULDN’T tell a Black woman not to be angry about being abandoned in some awful smelly Cyber dystopia for 10 years?!!!!!!!!!!!!!????

**THE MASTER:**

Nowadays she wouldn’t. She used to be a sort of Clueless White Feminist ™, but I explained a few things to her.

**BILL:**

Wait….. Are you saying that you explained feminism to the Doctor?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!

**THE MASTER:**

I did not. It was more like, “If we’re in 1943 in occupied Paris, you, Ms. Bonny English Rose, probably shouldn't leverage your blond Aryan femininity and out the brown guy to the Nazis!”

**BILL:**

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh no………. That’s horrible………. Oh I’m so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!

**THE MASTER:**

Yeah, well, there’s horrible, and then there’s horrible, just like there’s fascists, and then there’s Space Fascists. 

And then there’s wiping out almost all of the Space Fascists because, well, THEY’RE FUCKING SPACE FASCISTS!!

**BILL:**

Um…….wait????? I’m confused?!?!?!?!!? 

What’s a Space Nazi????? Who wiped them out?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Do you mean that there are Fascists in space now!!!!!!!!! Like not just infiltrating governments all over the world, but now space too???????!!!!!

**THE MASTER:**

Space Fascists is a shorthand so you understand exactly what kind of regime we’re dealing with. They were probably introduced to you as Time Lords. You know — those arrogant time-traveling aliens from Gallifrey who are convinced that we’re the best, smartest, strongest, noblest, and purest people ever and therefore it’s our birthright to control the Web of Time.

**BILL:**

You’re calling yourself a Space Fascist????.....

**THE MASTER:**

I am.

**BILL:**

That’s what the Time War was about, yeah???? About controlling the web of time????? And

controlling you so that you’d fight for them……

**THE MASTER:**

Yeah, I wasn’t happy about that. Nor was I particularly amused to learn all the lies, exploitation, and unadulterated BETRAYAL underpinning the whole colonialist empire.

**BILL:**

Oh…….

Hm……………….

Hey……….

**THE MASTER:**

Yeah?

**BILL:**

Am I right that you got rid of a whole lot of Time Lords or Space Fascists or whatever???!!!

**THE MASTER:**

See? You do read me well. Very, very, very well.

**BILL:**

Did you like blow up your home planet or something?!?!!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?

**THE MASTER:**

No! I did not! The way that Gallifreyan society is organized, there’s a bunch of rich, powerful, fascist parasites — that would be us, the Time Lords — exploiting the labor of the many, who would be the poorer commoners. Only we rich elites have the privilege to look through a crack in the universe, lose our shit, and subsequently become Space Fascists.

**BILL:**

Hmm…….. Hate them a lot I see…..!!!!!

And yourself a little bit too…….?????

**THE MASTER:**

I did not torch the entire planet. I murdered the ruling class of oppressors to eradicate their corruption from society, therefore allowing a better, non-fascist alternative to develop.

**BILL:**

Marxist revolution a bit then?

**THE MASTER:**

Don’t try to glorify vengeance by calling it some sort of philosophical revolution.

**BILL:**

We did that in Dystopia too — a revolution to free the majority from the abuse of Cyber tech. 

**THE MASTER:**

There was slightly less slavering retribution in that case. I was mostly outraged that the Expansionists took the Cyber tech and used it to create mindless armies. It was supposed to be a means of fucking surviving the pollution. 

For once in my lives, I was NOT converting Cyber people with the goal of mind control!!

**BILL:**

I know mate. I was right there with you for 10 years, doing the same thing you were doing, keeping people alive, keeping the city going.

**THE MASTER:**

I know you were. I was just pointing out that what happened in Dystopia wasn’t the same as what I did on Gallifrey.

**BILL:**

Yeah…….. With the Time Lords you did it because you hated them for what they did to you too……..

**THE MASTER:**

Okay, frankly, freeing the downtrodden hordes was approximately 5% of my motivation. Revenge was the other 95%.

**BILL:**

Wow!!!!!!!!! Nazis, Space Fascists, revenge, murder, revolution, the Doctor……..

That’s intense……

You’ve been busy…….

**THE MASTER:**

Not that you need my permission to do anything, but please feel free, at any point during this laundry list of sordid revelations, to block my ass.

**BILL:**

Not gonna do that, don’t worry.

**THE MASTER:**

You aren’t? You don’t really seem like the kind of person who tolerates racists, colonialists, fascists, and Nazis, though.

**BILL:**

I’m not.

**THE MASTER:**

Then fuck off.

**BILL:**

Hey……..

**THE MASTER:**

What?

**BILL:**

I’m here, I’m staying, I’m not fucking off.

**THE MASTER:**

Why?!?

**BILL:**

Because you’re not as bad as you think.

Not as good as I’d wish either, but still...better than you believe.

**THE MASTER:**

You don’t give up on people, do you?

**BILL:**

Gave up on the Doctor.

**THE MASTER:**

Well, good. You should’ve. They weren’t worth it.

**BILL:**

But now they are?........ I mean now she is?????

Is that what you’re telling me????????

**THE MASTER:**

Yes.

**BILL:**

Well…….Still…………

I trust you more than I trust her.

Is there a way for us to meet up without the Doctor?????????

**THE MASTER:**

Wow!! Okay!! Wow!! I tell you all that about myself, and your only takeaway is, “I’d like to meet you without the Doctor around”?! Well then! 

Oh, I know! We can go to dinner. My treat!

**BILL:**

Aw……...We’re not gonna go back to your place for rat/veg surprise????????

**THE MASTER:**

Those weren’t rats, I tell you. They were mutant roaches!!

**BILL:**

Roaches don’t have fur!!!!!!!!!

**THE MASTER:**

Rats don’t have that many legs!!

**BILL:**

Stop bugging me…….or I’ll rat you out!!!!!

**THE MASTER:**

What do you call a boiled bug?

**BILL:**

Do I want to know??????.......

**THE MASTER:**

A poached roach!

**BILL:**

GOODBYE 🪒

**THE MASTER:**


End file.
